Tuesday, December 7, 2010


This might sound weird, but do you ever get sneeze-teased like I do? It's when you feel that tickle or itch that tells you, hey, time to sneeze and get rid of this shit... but the sneeze never happens. You're left with this strange tingling itching sensation in your nose and you know you've already made it apparent you need to sneeze or have a heart attack by making a face similar to this:
Classy, no? How's that for a first photo of me?
And then you become highly embarrassed and try to pretend it never happened but end up wigging out over the strange feeling in your nose.
It's almost like being denied an orgasm or something.
For me this is compounded by the fact that I have extremely loud and violent sneezes. I've had a whole room full of people turn and stare at me as my brains return from feeling like they were shoved into my eyeballs to their proper place. Even stifled, my sneezes try to explode my brains out my ears. Last week I was sneeze-teased all damn day and it drove me insane. Even blowing my nose didn't help.
A friend of mine has it worse though. She sneezes like a cat; short and in rapid succession. And she always sneezes at least three times in a row. Once she sneezed something like 10 times in a row. This is terrifying if you happen to be driving with her, you know, since you can't see shit when you sneeze. The idea of someone having their eyes closed for that long on a curved highway at 65 mph is mildly terrifying.
At least I don't sneeze from parmesan cheese like my Dad does.

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Princess Bride Drinking Game

So I mentioned that we played the The Princess Bride Drinking Game over Thanksgiving break. These are the Rules:
Drink when:
1. Anyone says "True Love."
2. Wesley says "As you wish."
3. Vinzinni says "Inconceivable!"
4. Fezzik rhymes.
5. Inigo says "Hello, my name is Inigio Montoya..."
6. Scene cuts back to the boy and Grandfather.
7. The Six-Fingered Man is mentioned.
8. The Dread Pirate Roberts is mentioned. 
9. Any time Wesley defeats a new foe. (i.e. Inigo, Fezzik, fire swamp things.)

Please do note that I counted the times they say "True love" and it's fifteen. Don't ever play this with liquor, you'll die. Or at least vomit everywhere. 
By the way, this is my favorite movie EVAR. I will watch it anytime, but especially if I'm feeling down. Cheers me right up! 
I also have a couple other games... to Labyrinth and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (the latter you can really only enjoy if you play the game to anyhow - Willie's character is unbearable!) While playing The Temple of Doom one I drunkenly invented a new rule on top of the others called "BEEFCAKE!  HARRISON FORD NOT OLD RULE." which is exactly how I wrote it down. My favorite in the Labyrinth game is one we didn't even realize we were missing until 1/2 way through: drink when you see the owl. You'd be drinking through all the credits at the beginning! We were very glad, sitting there with our wine, that we did not use that rule. There's also an Epic sounding game I haven't convinced anyone to play yet: Lord of the Rings. (weighted for the Fellowship movie.) So many prompts. Would be so good. Especially with extended edition! I generally find that around 7-9 prompts is quite enough for the average movie. Especially for one like Indiana Jones. 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The time Boyfriend's cousin reminded me of Miss Crazy-Pants.

So for Thanksgiving I was invited to go "Up North" with Boyfriend's family. For starters, I thought this meant driving the 3 1/2 to 4 hours to Boyfriend's house, then another 2 or so north. Oh, so, so, wrong. It was another four from Boyfriend's house, not two. So that means around... eight hours of driving in one day. Literally in the car all day. Luckily I was not driving for the second half. I showed up at Boyfriend's house, went pee, loaded up Boyfriend's brother's car, and was on the road again in 15 minutes. Then we began an joke that would run through the whole trip. Boyfriend's parents had been all nerves, apparently. Parents said 1:30, so He'd told me to get there by 1:30, so I planned accordingly. But the parents? "Oh, when is Sam getting here?" and "Have you talked to Sam yet?" and "Where is Sam?" all the way up to the point where I walked in the door at 1:30 on the dot. No shit, on the dot. Boyfriend had responded "I said 1:30 Mom!" Every time they asked. Thus, any quiet moment or to make some silly point during the trip they'd say "When's Sam getting here?" to much giggling.
Anyways. Up North we went. And I mean UP NORTH - it was like we drove into winter. Snow on the ground when back home it had been 60 degrees the day before. Plus another two inches the first night. Oh and there's a Ski place up there called "Nub's Nob" which we couldn't resist for all kinds of jokes. So much fun.Boyfriend's Aunt has a condo up there and a neighbor let "us kids" stay in their rental condo, with the result of much videogaming and imbibing. Much Call of Duty zombie map, Waterfall, movies, Outburst, and Heroes of Might and Magic III. Four days of vacation bliss. Mostly.
The last night we were there, Friday night, it went as normal until 3am when Boyfriend, Cousin 1 and I were playing the drinking game to The Princess Bride. (Rules later.) It was around 3am that Cousin 2 came back from the other condo, drunk as a skunk and loud. Cousin 2 has been to Iraq as a soldier. This has resulted, as can be expected, some crazy-pants trouble, aka PTSD, which is Legit. War, PTSD, makes sense. What didn't make sense was how much he channeled Miss Crazy-Pants. You have to understand that it was 3am, we were all under various influences. This just made me that much more unprepared to deal with the SUDDEN INFLUX OF CRAZY in the condo. Cousin 2 made with the repetitive over-share, telling us exactly why he was so messed up because of a certain horrible thing that happened in the War. Then it was with the questions. That's the most horrible part of Miss Crazy-Pants type of crazy, because no matter what you say, it's not right. You can't dodge, they're insistent. Even when you say exactly what he/she wants to hear, it's not enough. The crazy train keeps rolling. Even if you repeat what they want to hear. I tried to dodge. Mistake! Sitting next to Boyfriend, I ended up cowering against him because Cousin 2 was leaning over me, invading my personal space (which is actually somewhat hard to do) and loudly asking me his questions. Far, far too much for my substance-addled brain and emotions to handle. Cousin 1 got him to back off by distracting him and I fled so fast to Boyfriend's and my room. Then Cousins 1 and 2 (brothers) stayed up until 5am talking, wrestling, boxing? and generally being loud.

So my real question is not wtf is wrong with Cousin 2 - because it's easy to infer PTSD - but more... wtf is wrong with Dad's girlfriend that she acts like someone with PTSD??

Aside from that one night of Mister Crazy-Pants I had a lovely time hanging out with Boyfriend's family and eating delicious food. I'd go back again even risking a little crazy.