Tuesday, December 7, 2010


This might sound weird, but do you ever get sneeze-teased like I do? It's when you feel that tickle or itch that tells you, hey, time to sneeze and get rid of this shit... but the sneeze never happens. You're left with this strange tingling itching sensation in your nose and you know you've already made it apparent you need to sneeze or have a heart attack by making a face similar to this:
Classy, no? How's that for a first photo of me?
And then you become highly embarrassed and try to pretend it never happened but end up wigging out over the strange feeling in your nose.
It's almost like being denied an orgasm or something.
For me this is compounded by the fact that I have extremely loud and violent sneezes. I've had a whole room full of people turn and stare at me as my brains return from feeling like they were shoved into my eyeballs to their proper place. Even stifled, my sneezes try to explode my brains out my ears. Last week I was sneeze-teased all damn day and it drove me insane. Even blowing my nose didn't help.
A friend of mine has it worse though. She sneezes like a cat; short and in rapid succession. And she always sneezes at least three times in a row. Once she sneezed something like 10 times in a row. This is terrifying if you happen to be driving with her, you know, since you can't see shit when you sneeze. The idea of someone having their eyes closed for that long on a curved highway at 65 mph is mildly terrifying.
At least I don't sneeze from parmesan cheese like my Dad does.

No comments:

Post a Comment